13 Feb Soldier, No Army
I wrote this a few evenings ago after I had a really frustrating day!
It’s crazy that it’s over 4 weeks and I haven’t written any article for my blog, a writer’s block. I have had some busy days, some life changing, but that’s just an excuse. To tell the truth, I have been searching my mind on the daily and I couldn’t find a topic that I would want to talk about. I wasn’t feeling confident to explore any of the emotions that I had on an article, so week by week passed. Each Thursday passing, and breaking my heart a piece.
Today however, my feelings were intoxicating, those that can’t be left on the inside. I had to write them down to feel better.If am honest, I felt like a soldier in the war, but standing alone. I had no army, they all left me in the battle field with only my sword. I fought well, with bravery and victory
My friends read my blog so I will not say upfront what happened. In general, we planned something, but I felt like I was doing all the work, then today on the due date, no one should up to the planned event, and so I had to go on my own. I understand we are adults and life is very busy and everyone is just trying to make something out of their day, but this was possibly one of the worst days for me.
I felt humiliated, belittled, angry and frustrated at the same time. At some point I wanted to tear up, but I fought them back. I said to myself because it was a nice thing we were planning for a good cause, I would finish it gracefully. I felt better when I was able to meet the person we planned for the whole thing, I was a bit calm and was able to enjoy and have a good time. I explained to my level best how my other companions got held up. A betrayal feeling though was still creeping inside of me, and I couldn’t hold it, so I sent a voice note to the group telling them of how disappointed I was. To no surprise at all, no one felt that it was something they needed to respond to.
So at this moment am not a big fan of humans, Or trying to be part of a community. The whole scenario made me doubt my charisma, and what’s crazy is, all these people may have been really engaged in various situations, cause it doesn’t mean if I was free, other people were. So, am left wondering what I should really feel about this.
I want to avoid being judgemental but its hard, but I now see there is a possibility my friends were just being adults in this crazy world. I do hope that I never go through something like that ever again because it was rough.
The question in mind is this, have we become too busy for social connections? Too busy to be part of a community? To be there for each other through wins and failures, or is it just about the grind, the hustle?
It is important to have a work-life balance, otherwise we’ll all be burned out zombies in the streets.
Anyway, I feel a bit lighter writing this down, am glad I did this and I will share this with you so that I can trigger your minds on this;
Balance life, be there for your friends, make small sacrifices, and also in a world where there is so much technology, communicate better. That last part also hits me deep, I am not a good communicator, is that why it was biting me in the ***, no am a good person, but a little bitter today.